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    Sadie ❤️ posted in the group We Are More Than Our Mental Health

    2 months, 1 week ago

    I’m not doing well. I had a nice thanksgiving but that was also the day I found out my cardiology appointment got canceled. What the heck?! I really needed to go!! Now who knows when I’ll be able to get another appointment!! I was supposed to go on the 28th but now I guess not. I was so mad, still am but I’m doing alright I guess. I was hoping to go because there are things that NEED to be checked!! I don’t know what happened. Now do I think there’s something wrong with my heart? Not really, I mean I had lots of tests done in June but when I looked at my medical notes from my neurology appointment a couple months ago, my carotid artery was a 0. I’m pretty sure that’s bad. Plus I’d like to double check how my heart is doing considering I’ve been going through a lot since being underweight. On top of all this, my depression is very debilitating. I’m so lonely!

    I love my family, I really do but I wish I could hang out with people who aren’t related to me for a change. I need friends I can hang out with everyday. A boyfriend or girlfriend would be amazing as well. My loneliness is tearing me apart. My depression gets worse every day. When I watch videos of people in love or best friends hanging out, I feel so lonely. I’m not jealous of anybody but I do feel sad because I don’t have anybody. Good thing I’m going to college next year, I’m sure I’ll make tons of friends. Even though I’m not asking for tons of friends, I’d be happy with just a few really close ones. I love that I can communicate with people online, I do have online friends but sometimes thats not the same as seeing people in person. I want friends I can see in person almost every day, people I can hug.

    I may not be the most romantic fish in the sea but I do hope someday I can find that special someone. I so desperately want to be in love with someone besides my celebrity crushes. Someone who is actually available. I don’t know who will find me first, a man or a woman? I’m open to either one though at times I feel I’d be better off with a woman.

    • Update: Ok so I read what it means to have a carotid artery that’s labeled with a 0 next to it. It means there’s no pulse and that i could have a blocked artery which is really bad, but the thing is he could’ve made a mistake because I can feel my carotid artery pulse. Maybe he just couldn’t hear it with his stethoscope. I would need an ultrasound to be sure if I do have a blocked or narrowed artery. If I do I’ll probably need surgery, otherwise I’d be at risk of stroke or heart attack. I’m more afraid of strokes and heart attacks than I am of death itself so I’ll get surgery if I have to just to prevent that. The problem is, depending on the type of surgery, there is a risk of dying during the surgery. I’d probably first try to solve the issue with medication if I have an issue. There could be absolutely nothing wrong. Hopefully I can get a cardiology appointment soon. I’ve been getting mini panic attacks on and off all day because of this



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